by Margaret Hirsch
As we celebrate Women’s Day this week, I thought I would devote this to all of you wonderful women out there. My favourite story of all time - the first part happy - the second part sad. Our job as women is to change this narrative!
Q: What’s the difference between a clever and a stupid man?
A: There is no difference, they both think they know everything!
Q: What’s the difference between a clever woman and a stupid woman?
A: There is no difference, they both doubt themselves!!
How true is that!! I am friends with some of the most powerful women in the world and guess what? They still doubt themselves, no matter that they are super rich, powerful, in a fabulous relationship, whenever they do anything, they always look to someone to ask “How did I do? Was I okay?” Even women like Michelle Obama at the height of her fame asked Oprah Winfrey the same questions after her interview. In her book “Becoming” Michelle Obama keeps wondering if she is good enough and keeps looking for recognition of the fact from everyone around her.
The main goal of my life is to work with women to show them how to believe in themselves and become financially independent. A financially independent woman has choices, she can choose where she lives and who she lives with. She can feed, clothe, and educate her children. It’s been my greatest joy to work with women across the continent of Africa and help them to achieve their goals, all by themselves. Today so many of these women are teaching and nurturing other women to do the same. The sisterhood of African women is unlike any other in the world. This is an amazing continent that abounds with strong women!
Ladies, I want you to take an old lipstick, go to a mirror where you are and put on your makeup and write in big letters right across the top of that mirror: I AM ENOUGH!! Just know that you are enough. If you look at it long enough you will realize that you are enough, just as you are. You are exactly as God made you and remember he made you in His image! You are exactly the person he wanted you to be, but the great thing is you can change that person at any time. An orangutang will always have orange hair, a zebra will always have black and white stripes, but I was born with pitch black hair, it was black till I turned 50 and at that time I decided that blondes have more fun, so I became blonde. Ladies we have the ability to change ourselves and become the woman we want to be, and not only in looks, but we can also change the way we act and behave. Yes, you need to be your authentic self, but my life has been spent becoming a better version of myself. Tony Robbins teaches Kaizen – “Constant and never-ending improvement” and that is what life is all about.
Life is not a destination, it’s a journey of self-discovery, and it’s up to you to hone in on your strengths and ignore your weaknesses. How often do we spend time trying to correct our weaknesses and we are still not satisfied? Just build on your strengths and your weaknesses will fall by the wayside.
As women we are so conscious of what other (women) say about us. Well, I want to tell you that what someone thinks or says about you has absolutely nothing to do with you! It belongs to them and let them keep it, it’s none of your business. Focus on what is important to you and what will end up making you a better person. The saying goes, “you should work harder on yourself than you do on your job”, and personal growth for women absolutely requires a shift in mindset. You cannot think like a rich person and stay poor, and by the same token you cannot think like a poor person and become rich. You are rich or poor (not necessary financially) but in your mind first, and when you get your mind right you will be shocked at how quickly the rest of your life comes right.
If you have a belief that you are not good enough, that you are somehow missing something that would catapult you to being the woman you want to be, then all you need to do is work on your personal growth. The internet is amazing, people like Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins, Les Brown, and if you like women speakers there is Mel Robbins (no relation to Tony), Dr Michelle Rozen, Erin Stafford, Heather McGowan, and my all-time favourite, Marisa Peer.
I was never a girly girl, I was never in the main group of popular girls because I was always different, and I moved schools a lot, so I never really got the chance to settle and get a fantastic group of friends. However, I have had the privilege of finding some really true friends, some of whom I have been friends with for over 50 years. As women it’s important to have a tribe of close-knit friends who you know you can call on at any time. There are those you just phone for a chat, to vent and get things off your chest, those who can phone to discuss business opportunities (and calamities), those you can phone when you feel like going for a swim, hike or just getting some exercise, friends you can chat to about your children (and grandchildren). Nurturing these relationships takes time, effort and energy and remember you always have to give before you can receive. You have to be the best possible friend to that person, and they must be able to trust you implicitly with their most intimate secrets. It’s so important to have a friend you can confide in, as often when talking to them you manage to find the answers to the questions yourself! All they needed to do was listen to you, and by talking it’s possible for you to work through the problem on your own!
No matter how fantastic your husband is (and I think I got the pick of the crop), men don’t understand the fact that we have to discuss things. If I have a problem and discuss it with my husband, he will give me an answer - do this or do that - that is not what I am wanting at all. I wanted to chew the cud, go over and over the same thing until I work out the solution in my own mind. Men don’t like that sort of thing; they are fixers and want to give you a solution to the problem straight away. Good friends are not only important, but they are also essential. I love the Dolly Parton/Kenny Rogers song “You can’t make old friends” - you really can’t - as you grow older it’s important to have some really good old friends. How do you know if she is a good friend? A good friend knows what you are like and likes you anyway.
I prefer the words self-belief to self-confidence, you need to know that you can do anything, have anything, and be the person you want to be so long as you put enough effort into the task and truly believe that you can do it. From today make it your mantra to go out there and look good, feel good, be good and do good! And you are enough!
Much Love,
Margaret Hirsch