by Dr Ashika Pillay
In the quest for progress rather than perfection…
Is it possible to get out of your own way so that you can gain traction and get action on things that you would like to do? Sometimes the thing that can keep us stuck in unfinished cycles and continuous loops of inertia and inaction is a fixated view of getting things right vs getting the right things done.
Brene Brown, celebrated author and researcher, and one of my favorite role models, says that perfectionism is “armour” - that it is a 20 ton shield that we use to protect ourself. That ‘If I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect and live perfect, I can avoid or minimize shame, blame and judgment.’” What she says is quite profound - that it protects us from being seen.
Through my experience as coach, my personal work and journey, and as a doctor, my belief is that a core human need is in fact the opposite - to actually be seen and heard, and to see ourselves and hear ourselves. This is why perfectionism is so painful. If we drop the shield of perfectionism and look at “good” and “good enough”, what might open up for us. For me its being vulnerable and open. To learn and acknowledge that something is better than nothing. To act, and shift, and iterate and learn. To be seen - so that others may view and gain permission to be - to be present, and present themselves in full view - as who they are today.
Brene says that at its core perfection is fueled by “not good enough”. So perhaps, in an act of self rebellion rather than self sabotage how can you acknowledge that this could be at the core of your perfectionism. Seeing this, in itself is an act of courage. Can you notice the emotions and feeling in your body as you tense up reading this. Feelings of discomfort, perhaps shame and exposure.
All part of that acknowledging and “seeing” what you may have tried to hide behind. In fact, if you have just noticed this, about yourself, you are not the same as when you started reading this blog.
My advice…
Stay the course, seek support and guidance
Read
Learn more about yourself and stay awake to when and how this shows up in your day
Do, and act rather than think yourself into paralysis
This, is a “good enough” start to arriving fully, and bringing your whole beautiful imperfect self to today.
In the quest for progress rather than perfection…
I leave you with this quote from Thomas Greenspon, in his book, Moving Past Perfect
Excellence is risk. Perfection is fear.
Excellence is effort. Perfection is anger and frustration.
Excellence is openness to being wrong. Perfection is having to be right.
Excellence is spontaneity. Perfection is control.
Excellence is flow. Perfection is pressure.
Excellence is confidence. Perfection is doubt.
Excellence is journey. Perfection is destination.
Excellence is acceptance. Perfection is judgement.
Excellence is encouraging. Perfection is criticizing."
Photo by Ksenia Makagonova on Unsplash
Dr Ashika Pillay is a medical doctor, executive coach and wellbeing and mindfulness teacher. She is a mum of three boys and wife to Thiru Pillay. She believes that the nexus of all her skills is here - to create a space for personal wellbeing, and leadership by living wholeheartedly into our lives, and finding the potential make a change in our lives and the world. She has completed an MBA, and is passionate about Functional Medicine which approaches medicine in a holistic, multi-dimensional manner. She is also a member of faculty at a coaching school, a board member at the Institute of Mindfulness of South Africa and works with corporate clients and students at present.
Her philosophy is in total wellbeing, preventative medicine and mindfulness as routes to us evolving into the best versions of ourselves - mentally, physically and spiritually.
Her passions are women’s health, neuroscience, stress management, yoga and meditation.
Contact details: pillay.ashika5@gmail.com