by Lisa Malek
Being diagnosed with Adult ADHD in my 30s was both bewildering and enlightening. Suddenly there was an explanation for my constant vacillation between distractibility and hyper-focus. My brain is always flailing about, struggling to hold onto one thought for more than a few seconds – while simultaneously clinging to unresolved problems and manifesting new ones. It’s like listening to 13 blaring soundtracks from 13 genres at once. Further aggravating my overwrought mind is an urge to obsessively over multi-task, a side-effect of working from home since lockdown.
Although I’ve always worked incredibly fast, I now find myself in a perpetual state of overdrive. I sprint through everything from strategizing, conceptualizing and executing to leading, mentoring and problem solving. Rationally, I know what takes priority but my brain refuses to cooperate, leading to moments of paralyzing overwhelm.
While I’ve thrived in my career – despite the debilitating effects of ADHD, OCD and anxiety – it’s been at a cost. And I am no longer willing to pay the price. But in order to break the cycle, I need to change years of entrenched behaviour, responses and rituals. This mammoth task is driven by two (fairly obvious) realizations:
How I want to feel at the end of the day.
Defeated and depleted or accomplished and satisfied?
If I change nothing, nothing will change.
Sounds so simple doesn’t it? But without conscious, decisive, disciplined action I will forever be ruled by my condition.
So, to ensure that I can escape the destructive loop of obsessive thinking, I have put into place the following counter-rituals (which I hope will help other women too):
1. I recognize the OCD and ADHD tricksters
These sly demons are fueled by fear and the illusion of control. They make you believe that by being in complete control, nothing will go wrong. It’s a lie, of course, because there is so much that is completely out of our control. Thus, micro-managing every situation with the aim of controlling the outcome, simply increases your anxiety.
2. I walk away, I breathe, I refocus, I return.
Getting up is the hardest part, as the tricksters want me glued to the screen to regain ‘control’. But every time I overcome the urge to stay, it gets a little easier. I find a brisk walk around the garden, a cuddle with the dogs or a 3-minute guided meditation are helpful tools to calm the mind, relax the body and return refreshed.
3. I ask myself: Is this bringing me closer to my higher purpose?
Preserving my precious and finite mental and emotional energy has become my priority. I want to dedicate my evenings to crafting my own novel and writing for my personal blog. I now carefully manage the distribution of my energy in the day, so I can pour more into my personal goals at night.
4. Zooming out to gain perspective
Magnification is just one of the many cognitive distortions that plague me. This manifests in focusing on a mistake and blowing it completely out of proportion. This is, however, the one entrenched behaviour that I’ve managed to quell most effectively. I do this by reminding myself of the ‘evidence’ from the past i.e., in my 10 years as a copywriter, no mistake has been big enough to tarnish my reputation or effect my career. If I focus on that, the mistake immediately comes into perspective.
To all the Lionesses forging ahead, while fighting a 24/7 internal battle, you have my utmost respect. Until we next meet, keep up the good fight – and please show yourself the kindness and compassion you deserve.
By day, Lisa Malek pours her passion for words and storytelling into her career as a Digital Content Manager for a renowned multi-brand insurance company. By night, she is an aspiring author, currently crafting her debut novel. All day, every day, she is an anxious individual, constantly battling the demons of General Anxiety Disorder, OCD and ADHD. For years she has felt a calling to stretch her talents beyond the spectrum of work, and touch the lives of other anxiety survivors. Lisa’s dream is to empower them with her own tried and tested methods for calming the chaotic mind – all with insight, empathy and a healthy dose of humour.