by Nontobeko Mbuyane, CEO & Founder of Bee’s Beauty Haven & Glutaspa Group
We might not know it or honestly aware but the cry we hear from deep in our hearts comes from the wounded child within and healing this inner child’s pain is the key to transforming anger, sadness, and fear. What might shock you is that we all have a wounded inner child. I missed out on a business deal that I was working on the other day and my wounded child was so pained and afraid that I wouldn’t have another great business opportunity coming my way. Feeling helpless and defeated, my wounded child wanted to just break down, yell or even scream. All we need to know is that the wounded child is never “wrong” or “bad.” It’s really just a child trying to take care of its needs in the best way it can.
Negative Emotions
The outpouring of negative emotions you feel in situations is your indication that the wounded child is taking over. Typically, the emotions are fear, hurt, or shame, but each of these can also masquerade as anger. In fact, you can almost always count on anger to be a cover for a deeper, scarier emotion. This is because the child inside feels stronger and safer putting on a show of anger than actually admitting to the fear, hurt, and shame underneath. We respond to our outsized emotions of fear and hurt, often with an equally outsized reaction of anger, which leads directly to another round of fear and hurt in you, and another, probably even greater, display of anger in response. And this happens all day, every day, in homes, businesses, and even governments around the world. The question is then, what can we do about it? The first and most important thing is simply to become aware of your wounded child and when it has been triggered. When you feel an outsized emotion, or one that lingers inexplicably, tune in to it rather than accepting it without question. If the emotion is anger, look deeper.
Threat
Do you feel lonely, scared, ashamed or embarrassed? Children often feel inherently powerless and alone in a large and bewildering world. And that is surely what happens in life situations. We don’t react as the adults that we are, but as the powerless children we once were. When that happens, the best thing you can do to soothe your inner child is to have compassion for yourself. Recognize that you feel angry, hurt, or scared, and that your initial reactions are probably coming from your wounded child. Take a step back, take a deep breath. You can be that adult for your inner child, once you become aware of their needs. Often the emotions that felt so overwhelming in the moment will simply melt away once you understand their true cause. And, when you’ve acknowledged and cared for your inner child, you’ll be able to choose a reaction rather than letting it choose you!
Always remember in you lies A WOUNDED CHILD!
Nontobeko Bee Mbuyane is the CEO & founder of Bee’s Beauty Haven & Bee’s GlutaSpa Group of Beauty Centre’s based in Mbabane, Eswatini. These beauty boutiques passionately delivers quality client tailored skin care solutions and specializes on Glutathione brands to provide skin care solutions for all skin types clientele. Nontobeko holds a Bachelor of Social Sciences degree from the University of Eswatini, Certificate in Esthetics from South Korea and a Certificate in IV Therapy. She is a qualified Communications Specialist & has worked for International Non-Profit Organizations and gained invaluable stakeholder & public relations experience. Her growing up with an informal trader grandmother gave her business experience from the age of 10 where she took up being a vendor beside her grandmother. Her passion has seen her running several informal businesses until the birth of The Bee’s Group of Beauty Hubs brand. She is passionate about Women and Child Protection Issues and writes as a Columnist for Eswatini Newspaper, Eswatini News and owns her own BlogSpot where she tackles key self-help issues and shares most of her life experiences as a woman, mother and business woman.