by Dr Ashika Pillay
“When you listen, you learn what you don’t know. When you’re the one talking, you’re only learning what you know. Listening expands what is possible.”
My training as a medical doctor initially unearthed in me, the great desire to solve mysteries and problems - and make puzzles fit. I would listen to patients for clinical signs and symptoms and be quick on the button with solving the “issue”. As I trained though, I started to really sense into “why is this person really here?” What is the unsaid, unseen, and unheard symptom that they are wishing to reveal - given the right time and attention. I suppose this is where my “coaching” started early on. In a GP practice that I worked; I was known for taking an incredibly long time with patients. Patient’s moved from “needing weight loss medication” to revealing deep insecurities about themselves, their marriages, and lives.
As I moved through coaching, I saw how catalytic and transformative listening could be, it was almost a wellspring of relief for people just to sit and be heard. The reason I write this personal piece is to show how deep and compassionate listening can be a source of connection, compassion, courage - which grows understanding, trust, relationships, and health!
So, what is the “secret” to deep listening. The first is to pause, actually, feel yourself pause. Sense your body and mind coming to rest and be real and present for the other person. You may just need to take one or two deep breaths that help you settle in this moment.
The second is to relax and suspend any agenda that you may have and just intend to be there for the other person. One of my favorite quotes is - “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity (Simon Weill). So, being generous of attention and energy for this other human.
Next is to be open hearted and minded - just allowing an open space and spaciousness for the person to feel safe and free to be. Clearing the “interpersonal space” and creating the energy that allows and encourages rather than suppresses and dominates.
All this while, using a body language that is open and receptive, and this will mean that being mindfully present is an important part of the chemistry that you bring.
I believe that true leadership is about listening people into their own wisdom. Create a culture where people know and connect with safety, trust and understanding. Each human being has their own genius and when you talk, they hide that which is truly genius in them. When you listen, you help them connect with their talent and potential. Your genius as a leader is to connect people to that which makes them shine - to be seen and to be heard. Do that….
Dr Ashika Pillay is a medical doctor, executive coach and wellbeing and mindfulness teacher. She is a mum of three boys and wife to Thiru Pillay. She believes that the nexus of all her skills is here - to create a space for personal wellbeing, and leadership by living wholeheartedly into our lives, and finding the potential make a change in our lives and the world. She has completed an MBA, and is passionate about Functional Medicine which approaches medicine in a holistic, multi-dimensional manner. She is also a member of faculty at a coaching school, a board member at the Institute of Mindfulness of South Africa and works with corporate clients and students at present.
Her philosophy is in total wellbeing, preventative medicine and mindfulness as routes to us evolving into the best versions of ourselves - mentally, physically and spiritually.
Her passions are women’s health, neuroscience, stress management, yoga and meditation.
Contact details: pillay.ashika5@gmail.com
More articles by Ashika.
