by Lori Milner
What do you do when someone doesn't do what they committed to? They were due to deliver something, but when you follow up, there's always an excuse or someone else to blame - 'they never replied to my mail, finance is too slow or fill in the blank’. Most people don't say anything, and then the passive-aggressive behaviour begins. When there is no consequence for non-delivery, it becomes culture because, ultimately, silence is permission.
The reality is that you cannot change other people, but you can begin with yourself. I do not propose having a magical solution to the accountability question. Still, I do have some practical suggestions that can you start with today to create change within yourself and role model to those around you:
Do not delay the conversation
The problem with not addressing non-delivery immediately is that every seemingly insignificant incident stacks up over time. Your resentment begins as a slow simmer, and it eventually builds up to such a point that the slightest thing will set you off, and you completely lose it and overreact. What's even worse is that you are the one who looks bad in this situation.
Most people fear conflict or having to go through the discomfort of having this kind of conversation. Remember that silence is permission. If you don't address it, the other person sees no need to change their behaviour.
If you're a manager, you may need to consistently remind your team about their deliverables and hold them accountable if they do not deliver on their promise.
If you're unsure when the right time to have this discussion is, then default to the rule of three. If it happens once, notice it. If it happens again, realise it is becoming a pattern and if it happens a third time, then this is your cue to discuss taking accountability for non-delivery.
Replace judgement for curiosity
If the situation does not shift, you may need to do some investigation into the matter. Sit with your team member and understand what makes it challenging for them to deliver quality work on time. Is it a time management issue? Are they lacking in a critical skill set that has been overlooked? Are they overwhelmed and not clear on what done and doing looks like?
Use questions like:
What is working well for you?
What could be improved?
How can I help you?
How can you help me?
This conversation must be a trusted and safe space for this person; if they admit they lack skills, do not use it against them but rather thank them for their transparency and work on a plan to bring them up to speed.
Defaulting to judgement without a clear understanding of the other person's point of view will quickly escalate to resentment and a stacking of passive-aggressive behaviour.
Replace defensiveness for ownership
Where have you contributed to the situation?
This is a tricky question because your ego wants no part in this discussion. If someone didn't deliver on their work and let you down or resulted in a disappointed client, we tend to blame and shame.
What if you slowed it down and took a step backwards to enquire – how did you contribute to the situation? Perhaps you never expressed your requirements clearly and assumed they knew what you wanted.
Do you lose your temper when someone asks you for clarification, interpreted as a directive to avoid you?
When it comes to having a tough conversation on accountability, you can express where you played a role and do a post-mortem of the situation to ensure it doesn't happen again or explore what you could do differently next time the situation arises. You can even ask the question – how can I support you? Do they need skills, clarity or assistance in defining their priorities and deliverables?
Adopt a role model mindset
Are you living the behaviours you want to see in your team or those around you? Are you delivering on your promises?
Being part of a team often means relying on others to do your work, making a part of your delivery out of your control. When everyone does what they are meant to, work is a joy. But what happens when they don't?
Role model the behaviour of following up – if you send an email, pick up the phone and let them know you've sent it, what the details are and what you expect. It's not micromanaging; it's fast-tracking the process and avoiding possible misunderstandings.
If you know someone is a 'lastminute.com' kind of person, reach out to them at the beginning of the week and ask if there is anything they may need from you in the next two weeks. This way, you can prompt them to think ahead so you are not left with an emergency.
Own your mistakes
Accountability and a mindset of ownership are not only about delivery but taking full responsibility for mistakes. When you blame and shame, it doesn't solve the problem and, quite honestly, puts you on the back foot. When you own your part in the process and admit, 'this is what happened, and this is what I'm doing to fix it', you take control of the situation.
Role model the behaviour of picking up the phone when delivering bad news rather than hiding behind email. Even if something is completely out of your control, you can manage the expectations of those around you. Silence will only intensify people's frustrations; instead, stay in constant communication even if you don't have the solution yet.
Above all, ask yourself the question – am I keeping my promises? If you can answer honestly with an undeniable yes, you are living a role model mindset.
Create accountability questions
Accountability begins with yourself.
Marshall Goldsmith, the author of Triggers, suggests the power of self-accountability to drive you to keep your promises to yourself and your team. He recommends keeping a journal with accountability questions you must answer each evening by giving yourself a score out of 10. Here are some examples:
Did I do my best to make progress toward my goals today?
Did I do my best to find meaning today?
Did I do my best to build positive relationships today?
Did I do my best to be fully engaged today?
Eventually, you will detest answering anything less than a seven and ensure you take actions that catapult you to a 10.
If you score yourself honestly, you will reveal where your blind spots and strengths lie. Where is there a resistance to change? What is making it difficult to do?
The more honest self-awareness you can bring to your actions, the more you will move into an ownership mindset.
Replace expectations for agreements
Renowned life coach Steve Chandler speaks about replacing expectations for agreements. Let's say Mary is always late for your team meeting. Rather than resent her and complain about her to your partner, you can approach Mary and say,' I've noticed that you continually arrive ten minutes late to our team meeting, which is incredibly disruptive and pushes the end time out for everyone'. Can we agree that you will commit to showing up on time?
Mary will probably say one of two things – either she will apologise and agree to arrive on time, or she will explain that she arrives late because the meeting before yours always ends ten minutes late.
Ultimately, you will get to a defined agreement with Mary; what's powerful about this is that the next time she arrives late, there is ownership and accountability for her actions because she committed to it.
People will support what they help create. If you don't like a situation, create a new agreement around it. Perhaps you need to go back to basics and define what done and doing looks like so there is nothing lost in translation. Agree on what needs to happen by when and remember to communicate your requirements. It's not what you expect them to deliver but what you agree to deliver.
Shift from a silo mentality to a team focus
Sometimes the answer is not only about your actions but your mindset to how you view your role in the team.
The last two years of remote work have tended to create a silo mentality where people are purely task-driven on their outputs. We now need to move beyond the individual to the team; some helpful questions include:
How do you foster relationships with colleagues?
How do you plan for growth beyond tomorrow?
How do your actions affect the team?
What has to happen for your team to be successful?
What are the consequences if you don't deliver on your promises?
To truly add value to your team, you can shift your mindset from what I need to do today to 'what problem do I solve?’.
Can you broaden your relationships within the business to other departments? How does your role affect marketing, sales, finance, etc.?
How about meeting with different people across multiple departments and understanding their challenges?
You don't have to have a title of a manager or leader to do this – adopt the mindset of Eileen Fisher, who speaks about 'a leader in every chair'. Great ideas can come from anywhere; you don't need someone to permit you to be a contribution. Go and be a contribution – here are some questions you and your team can consider moving from a silo mentality to a team mentality:
• How can we be a contribution?
• What impact do we have on each other & the other departments?
• How can we support the value chain?
• How can we help make it easier for our customers?
• How can we support and better understand the various teams and challenges?
• How does our team fit into the whole value chain? How does this impact sales or marketing, for example, if we change processes?
• How can we make it easier for the rest of the functions to work with us?
• What problem do we solve?
Final thought: Consider the impact on your brand
Your brand comes down to the promise you make and what people expect of you when they engage with you.
Brands that keep their promises are consistent and trustworthy.
Brands that blame and shame are associated with values such as being unreliable, untrustworthy and inconsistent.
You are human, and mistakes will happen, but how do you show up to them? If you show up with an attitude of ownership, accountability and responsibility, you can recover even stronger and build trust.
You cannot change other people, but you can begin by being accountable to yourself:
Do not delay the conversation.
Replace judgement for curiosity.
Replace defensiveness for ownership.
Adopt a role model mindset.
Create accountability questions.
Replace expectations for agreements.
Shift from a silo mentality to a team focus.
Here's to being the change you seek to make,
Warm wishes,
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
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