by Lori Milner
If you could stop one habit today, what would it be? As a professional coach and trainer, I have asked this question in hundreds of workshops, and without fail, the one habit that always comes up consistently is procrastination. Procrastination is the habit of putting off something until later. When you repeat this habit on a consistent basis, it becomes detrimental not only to your productivity but also to your emotional state. Feelings of self-hatred, self-criticism, judgement and fear taunt you when you’re at you’re lowest.
There is so much fantastic advice on beating procrastination such as setting alarms for fifteen-minute working stretches, waiting for ten minutes before you give in to the urge of distraction and getting focused on why you are doing this task and the desired outcome. These are brilliant solutions, but they are only effective when you realize that you are procrastinating. What happens when you are not aware of this habit? Sometimes your behaviour may feel like you are taking action, but it's actually procrastination in disguise.
Here are four ways you are procrastinating and don’t realize it:
You’re a perfectionist
As a recovering perfectionist, I can confirm that perfection is a fancy form of procrastination. There are many labels attached to being a perfectionist like diligence, conscientiousness and meticulousness. These are great traits to include in your vocabulary but only up to a point. When you cross the perfectionist threshold, these become justifications for self-destructive behaviour.
In The Perfectionism Workbook, Taylor Newendorp, unpacks perfectionism perfectly: “The persistent need to always do better and feel better ultimately leads to feeling discontented and frustrated, and the very effort to be “the best” can actually hurt your sense of self-esteem and confidence”.
A perfectionist’s biggest fear is mediocrity. They set such impossibly high standards for themselves that they either never complete a task because they need to nitpick and obsess over every word or constantly look for the shortfalls in their work rather than celebrate the achievement. It’s like that kid who gets 19/20 on a test and focuses on the one incorrect mark rather than the 19 questions they got correct. Perfectionism differs from high achievers in one crucial way: focus. A high achiever has high standards and always aims for greatness; however, they view setbacks and failure as learning and feedback for future improvement.
Perfectionism is different in that the focus is less forgiving; perfectionists beat themselves up for anything that appears to be lacking. Their lens is always focused on what is missing rather than what has been achieved.
“One of the most significant problems that perfectionists face is the fear that if they stop shooting for perfection, they will become low achievers, and their goals will go by the wayside. Let this reassure you: perfectionists achieve less than those with healthier attitudes because their focus on perfection robs them of motivation and can bring on procrastination and other self-defeating behaviours. Letting go of perfectionist attitudes can help you to excel more!” — Elizabeth Scott, MS
Let’s bring this back to you — the next time you feel anxious, take a step back and ask yourself if you are not completing a task for fear of it not being perfect? Or are you avoiding starting a task because of a fear of failure? You can justify either choice, but consider it an early warning system for perfectionistic tendencies when that anxiety lurks. Shift your mindset from aiming for perfection to progress. The point is to take action and tell yourself that every time you do something, you want to aim to be better than before. If you avoid taking on a new exercise program, set the intention that you don’t have to be proficient on day one. Allow yourself a beginner mindset and focus on the process. When you can master the process, you will ultimately achieve the desired outcome.
You get stuck in planning mode
Planning is a crucial component to effective productivity, and I advocate dedicating time in the calendar to plan your week before you are in it. Stephen Covey spoke about ‘beginning with the end in mind’, which again requires planning to clarify what your end goal looks like. Have you ever been in a planning mode, but you still felt anxious? After all, you have created the most impressive spreadsheet detailing your sales pipeline. Or you’re thinking about getting into shape and have created a detailed list of the online classes you’re interested in. But….there is a huge but. Have you made the first call to your prospective client? Have you gone further than downloading the online timetable? Have you taken the first step?
In Jame’s Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, he calls this phenomenon ‘Motion versus action’. I call it procrastination in disguise. After all, you feel productive; you are busy doing things in preparation for this goal.
Again, there is always a threshold when it comes to procrastination. Planning elaborate lists is a safe place to hide out. It’s way easier than doing the work. Just at the point where you are about to take action and make a positive change in your life, the inner critic pipes up with vicious comments such as ‘what if the client says no to you? What if you make a fool of yourself in the class? Better to stay safe and not do it.’ I am not saying avoid the planning step; this is critical. Understand that the only way to shut down your inner critic is through action. Take one small step forward. Block out time in your calendar every Tuesday at 10 am for sales calls, and do not do anything else in that allotted time. Even if you don’t get the result you wanted, at least you have begun the process. When you stay stagnant, the feelings of overwhelm become unbearable. It is the lack of action that creates anxiety and ironically keeps you in the trap of procrastinating.
You’re just doing research
Research is a real sneaky habit. Let’s say you are in marketing and working on a new campaign. There must be a research phase to investigate local and global best practices and fact-check that your genius idea is unique. But…because you know at this stage, there is always a but.
Ask yourself this question - are you researching something because you want the information in order to proceed to the implementation phase, or is research your permission device not to begin?
Underneath the research habit is a deep fear of not being good enough, compounded with a fear of the unknown outcome
We have all been there, ‘after I read this book or do this course, then I will be ready to start’. At some point, you need to be bold and take action even if you are not sure where it will lead. You can never guarantee success, but this is not an excuse to avoid starting. In his book, Creative Calling, Chase Jarvis wrote about this concept: “Scott Belsky, a creativity advocate and Adobe’s chief product officer, calls this “insecurity work.” It’s the work we do as a distraction while telling ourselves it’s helpful because it’s in line with the project’s goals. It’s not the work. You’re just looking for a quick dopamine hit. So draw clear boundaries, and keep this stuff far away from your session where it belongs.”
You are trapped in ruminating thoughts
When it comes to habits, you tend to only think about activities that require physical activity like walking, meditating or reading. Habits can also be mental and a pattern of thinking. The last way you may be unaware that you are procrastinating is through worrying and ruminating. You know those destructive thoughts like ‘what if this doesn’t go well or why do these things always happen to me? What if I fail, or what if the conversation doesn’t go well?’ Rumination is an active process in which you choose to participate. It is a habit and has become a pattern of behaviour. You need to go a level deeper and become curious about what is the pay off for you? You wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t meeting a need for you on some level.
In the Perfection Workbook, Taylor Newendorp provides an interesting perspective on why we indulge in ruminating thoughts and worrying. “Look at it this way: if you are caught up in thinking long enough, you do not have to act; if you do not have to undertake an overt action, then you do not have to risk failure. Granted, you may ruminate so much that you automatically fall into that process without intending to. The trick is to have enough awareness to catch yourself doing it and then redirect your attention to something more productive. She provides some questions to confirm whether you have been getting lost in rumination:
Do you repeatedly dwell on specific instances in your life?
Do you ask yourself particular questions over and over again?
Do you overly focus on specific aspects of yourself - personality traits, moods, physical states, even physiological sensations - in a negative way?
The next time you catch yourself ruminating, tell yourself ‘I’m ruminating right now’. Then answer these questions:
Is this thought process helping me accomplish anything right now?
Is this process helping me problem-solve or plan effectively?
Is there anything I can do about this problem right now? If you answered yes to #3, then do it!
If you answered no, shift from rumination to a self-care activity instead, like reading, exercising, or listening to music. You can also interrupt the thought pattern with gratitude or focusing on something within your control like your thoughts. These last three questions/ steps are equally helpful when it comes to disrupting a future-based worry cycle and can help you break out of the trap of procrastination sooner.”
Final thoughts
Procrastination is not a character flaw; it is a habit and human nature. Even when you know about these sneaky habits, they still creep up on you unexpectedly. You can set the intention to be productive, but all you have to show at the end of the hour is some promising research or a funny cat video. When this happens, note I never said if this happens. When this happens, forgive yourself and remind yourself you are human and imperfectly perfect. Once you are aware of these sneaky habits, you can overcome them quicker. It is not about breaking the habit of procrastination but rather outgrowing it. Imagine having a cable or necklace all tangled up; the only solution is to work through it one knot at a time. It’s the same with procrastination:
Replace the habit of perfection with progress.
Replace the habit of planning with action.
Replace the habit of research with starting.
Replace the habit of ruminating and worrying with self-compassion.
In the words of the author, Jim Kwik: ‘So often the treasure you’re looking for is hidden in the work you’re avoiding’. Here’s to the hidden treasure,
Warm wishes,
Lori
Lori Milner is the engaging facilitator, thought leader and mentor known for her insightful approach to being a modern corporate woman. Her brainchild, the successful initiative Beyond the Dress, is the embodiment of her passion to empower women. Beyond the Dress has worked with South Africa’s leading corporates and empowered hundreds of women with valuable insight on how to bridge the gap between work and personal life. Clients include Siemens, Massmart, Alexander Forbes, Life Healthcare Group, RMB Private Bank and Unilever to name a few. Lori has co-authored Own Your Space: The Toolkit for the Working Woman in conjunction with Nadia Bilchik, CNN Editorial Producer. Own Your Space provides practical tools and insights gleaned from workshops held around the world and from interviews with some of South Africa’s most accomplished women to provide you with tried-and-tested techniques, tips and advice to help you boost your career, enhance your confidence and truly own your space on every level. Own Your Space is the ultimate ‘toolkit’ to unleash your true power. It’s for the woman who wants to take her career to new heights and who is ready to fulfil her true potential.
More articles by Lori
